big play weekend

I am starting to feel a lot of relaxation in life lately. I’ve become easiergoing with the world, and am taking a fucktonne of vitamin B just to keep the stress from bouncing back at me again. Work has gone mostly better, less demands on me, (knock on wood). I’ve settled into my new apartment. Though I keep worryign its not neat enough to take a different pictures.

 

I’m also excited about kink for the first time in a while. This weekend I’ll be playing with a friend I paly with now and then, as she’s learning more and more dominant skills and doing a great job of it. And I’m also tentatively meeting up with a potential regular play partner for a first time trial. It’s going to be very exciting. Also a local pro domme of some talent has taken an interest in me, which was a real surprise. I can’t afford to pay for play but she wants to play with me, so we are looking at finding a way for her to do that, and not damage her professional rep by giving out freebies. I might be doing some little services for her to even the score.

This leads me to a new point. Pay for play. Does it feel the same?

I have the utmost respect for professional dominants, in that they provide an essential therapeutic service to many submissives or masochists in need. If I went long enough without a playmate or actual play of any sort I would likely save up and take that opportunity myself. Is it worth it though? Is it the same feeling. For me my submission is all about giving my vulnerability to my dominant, and knowing they are getting more (if not as much) out of taking power over me than I am in surrendering it. The concept of paying gives me an apprehension in that suddenly it would feel like a purchase, not a surrender. Suddenly I'm paying for my fantasies to be delivered, for the illusion of dominance where in actuality its something I'm selecting off of a menu with no real assurance its a valuable submission to that dominant. Does she/he have that power or are they a contractor providing business? Its a grey area that makes me uncomfortable. I know a few people who are or have been professional and they have had excellent experiences. Perhaps I should ask them their thoughts on it. It never really seemed like something I'd need to think about until now. How important is that sense of actual surrender I wonder. If it’s a bought feeling is it as good?