The last few years of
my life I’ve been in a wonderful commuted romantic relationship
with Chaos. We've had varied fortunes in life, but I've felt the
benefit of having someone wonderful to weather the storm with. When
we began the relationship I was confused and in unfamiliar territory;
they did not identify with being anything other than kink friendly
enough to accept me for who I am. I felt all the warm fuzzy feelings,
and this handsome beauty was impossible to ignore.
As one could tell from
some of the more personal blog posts in the past, power exchange
bloomed, along with and sometimes due to internal and external
discovery. Without putting traditional labels on it, we have grown
and explored concepts that suit us, where life has allowed. In the
last few years, rapidly a more vanilla dynamic grew into a consensual
communicated dynamic between the Boss and their boy.
I've had friends in the
community talk to me in the last few months, commenting on the subtle
visibility of our power exchange dynamic. For example, a few have
been referring to Boss as my owner without my prompting or
suggestion. That was a surprise to me, but at the same time it always
fit in context, and felt pretty cool to hear. I remember being so
proud when I shared the bits of anecdote and watching Chaos chuckle
and nod.
Somehow that didn't
prepare me to hit a new level mindset I've found myself in since the
end of January, for lack of a better word a sense of “my place”.
An incredibly powerful and completely surprising experience new to
our relationship occurred, and since then, it's as though in every
day, and every way, I'm consciously aware that I belong to my Boss.
That's not to say I doubted or didn't know already, but it wasn’t a
conscious presence in my thoughts the way say, that I love them
immensely has been for longer than I can remember. But now its right
up in that same tier of thinking.
For the sake of
clarity, when i say “my place” I mean my own personal experience
and dynamic position at this point in time. That is not to glorify
any sexist or dehumanizing concept cliches that often go along with
similar phrasing.
And it was the oddest
moment to spur this new sense in our relationship. Oddly enough,
this all came about through the first time we had ever encountered a
situation of physical punishment in our relationship. Despite my
being quite experienced with the concept in previous or outside
dynamics, for Chaos, like many dominant top type folks, discipline
and punishment is not an emotionally easy thing to deliver, and
previously had been things like meal restrictions. We had and have
continued discussions on what we are both consenting to and what is
alright in preparation for surprise events, and for that I'm
grateful.
The experience itself
was mind blowing. After a mutually tiring day dealing with real life
drama, the Boss and I sat quietly in our bedroom. I, feeling
exhausted, and running on autopilot was playful. I took an action
that essentially “poked the bear” mistaking a very “no touch”
body language, for an appropriate body language to be somewhat
bratty. I literally had a playful stick that I reached out and poked
them with. It was hilarious in a sitcom sort of way, the realization
of “WHAT DID I JUST DO”. Tired, and with no patience for bullshit
and somehow blessed with super-speed, Boss grabbed me, grabbed the
stick, and with some sort of unrehearsed natural grace gave me a
canning with a stern warning not to do that again.
As I mentioned before
this action was something in a category of personal power exchange
long since consented to in our relationship, but one we weren't sure
would have ever happen. I'm seriously glad that it did. It gave us
both a big boost in our verbal communication skills since, as well as
a real comfort with the positions we relate to each other in. In the
weeks since, we've been facing some rougher time as far as life
circumstance goes, and Its a real gift to be able to communicate our
way through these muddy waters. The bits of service in our
relationship are more fluid now, and necessary for the sort of
symbiotic dynamic that forms.
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