day in day out

I feel like i'm in a rut, and part of that leaves me feeling cranky. I think i've gotten so used to being worried about my relationship that I've become whiny about the good things coming my way. This week Dragoness texted with me off and on throughout the week. No monumental conversations, just a bit of chattyness, and it was nice. But after the initial few days came on, I got worried, was she going to just stop talking to me for days again? She didnt, she kept working at it, give and take just as I messaged her. And then I started getting greedy about the quality of the conversations, and getting impatient for all sorts of quality time spent. I had to correct my own thought process several times not to be so damned selfish. I know they are my own thoughts and im allowed to have selfish thoughts, but still it just doesnt feel right to figure out i'm randomly being greedy about my Ladys time. Im really consciously thankful for the efforts she is putting in, and for the time spent. So a few of the conversations are "talk at" me conversations, ive rambled like a madman with her listening intently many days too i'm sure.

Perhaps those rounds of trouble weeks without communication shook my faith in her, and now im more troubled than I should be even during good times. So I'm trying to optomistically look at every exchange and remember the benefit of the doubt. I'm also looking forward to the next time I see her. Mistress says shes going to come see me during a week sometime soon. She hasnt gotten it figured out yet. I just know the lack of seeing her is really quite awful on me. Likely that strain is making it worse. End of the day I miss her touch, her voice, and being able to look up at her from my knees. I think things will be a lot better once I get to see her.