On friday about an hour after my last posting... I recieved a random phonecall from Dragoness. I was so happy to hear from her, but immediatly went vulnerable. I lost my sense of filter and when she noted tension in my voice she asked what was up. I told her i'd like to hear from her more, it came out in a disorganized jumble and she seemed confused. I'm sure I came out clingy and rediculous and didnt get my point across. It was a nice conversation right until then.
However, right afterwards she got chatting with me via text, and i said just that, that it was jumbled thoughts and i was sorry for sounding so rediculous. She asked me to send her an email with organized thoughts. I think she knows I was upset and generally about why as the last few days shes done a really good job of texting me every day. I'm afraid that she'll be angry when she reads the email though. I know it sounds silly but the same things I think are reasonable relationship needs might somehow be selfish. I'm glad I stated my needs though. Its important for things to survive.
I'm very tired right now and had a fun scene with friends today, so I'm not sure i'm making much sense. Dear readers thank you for reading.
i know how anxiety provoking it can be to express feeling that you think will anger your Top, i've been there. i try to remind myself that i'm not responsible for Her reaction, as long as what i say is truthful.
ReplyDeleteShe needs to know how you feel just as much as you need to express your feelings.
Thank you for giving us readers something to read!