Everyone talks a lot about big scenes, bondage, pain, humiliation, dress up, all sorts of active kinky fun. But what about expressing kink in an everyday activity, not through flashy use of pervertables, but in combing a power exchange role with how you take in said activity?
One of my favourite examples is the service of food/beverages to ones dominant partner. In my experience a well cooked or served meal, dessert or breakfast can be a very submissive act. The range of food/beverage service can also be quite empowering and fulfilling for the person being served. Today I’m going to talk about what you should know to go about such an activity. I’m also going to use the term “guest” to indicate the person dining, as that person doesn't necessarily need to be a top/dominant.
Sidenote: The following is my personal outlook on this topic, not a definitive end all be all on it. If you find a different way to approach it, then by all means take that path. The road is open to everybody.
There are three main types of f&b service styles a sub/bottom can go for;
1. HIGH PROTOCOL
- Lots of rules.
- Plans or systems directed by the dominant about behaviour/expectations.
- Usually interpreted by explanation in advance for that circumstance.
- Often in conjunction with multiple d/s pairs or groups.
- Usually this is just a very special occasion; like a protocol dinner
- Might be the norm for a high power exchange relationship setting
- High degree of subtle power exchange when done, usually acknowledged
2. Casual Submissive
- may or may not have rules
- a few possible expectations by dominant party
- Typically something done at home or in private with a couple or small group
- often done on casual basis, or spur of the moment
- great for dom/sub personalities just trying to fit it into their day
- power exchanged can still be noticeable to either party, some communication is recommended
3. Subtle Need Anticipation
- no rules
- Dominant has expectations in a range, that server anticipates without need for usual communication
- done privately or publicly
- is often the norm for the server types who do it well
- very good for low key acts of submission
- communication for sake of manners, please/thank you by both parties is recommended for actions, but power exchange is minimal and wont necessarily affect headspace.
The three settings are just broad categorizations of what can go on, and there are definitely exceptions what cross between those categories. for example a high protocol setting where dinner is served by a bottom who is seen and not heard would encompass a combo of 1 and 3.
For the purposes of sharing skills I’m going to talk about general ways to go about things from the bottoms perspective that will mostly cover 2 as you can add or remove stuff from there to fit into any other myriad of categories.
Factors in Service
There are a few major factors to remember when serving someone submissively; anticipation of needs, timing, attention to detail, and attitude & body language
Anticipation of Needs
When I say anticipation of needs, I mean this on two parts. On one side, you have to keep track of what your dinner guest needs and wants, and you should be able to know somewhat without asking or without being told. For example, if you know your guest well, you should know in advance what time of beverage they want, or what sort of food/drink they want served. If you don’t, you can always ask around, do some research. Now if they want to be surprised this works very well, however you wont always be the one picking out the food or drink, you might be given a menu in advance. The other side of the coin, is that during the service things might come up that they need. Commonly, refills. A glass should never be completely emptied unless the guest specifically indicates they wish not to be refilled. Second helpings are also something to be aware of if the guest is making indication that they are still hungry as the meal is coming to a close, especially if there is no desert course. Of course multi-course meals are great in that you will want to watch your guest getting just to the end of the prior item as you are ready to bring forth the next. Please note that sometimes a pause between courses is also appropriate, use discretion on the occasion. In this active anticipation, you want to be on your toes for if anything going wrong, such as a dropped utensil, or a broken glass. Be taking care of the problem, within seconds and it will be quickly forgotten. And yes, always replace a dropped utensil or clean up a dropped food item. The five second rule doesn't apply unless the guest specifically says it does.
Its also very important to anticipate allergies or other dietary conditions. If your guest is a celiac, the breading on the chicken might be a bad plan. And vegetarians do not want to be served bacon, trust me, I CHECKED.
If the beverage is of high alcohol content you may want to use discretion however in that you are sure the guest knows they are being served refills, or is not being intoxicated past a reasonable point, or will be unable to drive themselves home. I’m expecting anyone taking this advice is a responsible adult, and so to will be the guest. So making sure that the alcohol isn't being over served should be considered safety and even can be part of prior planning discussions with your guest if you are going for a high protocol setting. In this case having a backup beverage for post alcohol can also be a good part of planning
Timing
During service, be aware of timing, so that you can keep the food cooking in time to be ready at time of expected dinner service (or when you know the guest in question is going to be hungry and wanting food). Nobody likes to be kept waiting at a table overlong thinking food should have been served ages ago. In this case, practice makes perfect, so that you know how long it takes to prepare your dishes. If the timing doesn't work out quite right, don’t panic. There's always a reasonable gap in service time, and if you are new to a particular dish things will vary. The trick here is keeping the guest entertained enough that they don't notice or are not affected by the delay. The other note on timing is that you want to time your own meal, should you be eating. Does your guest want to share mealtime with you, or do they want to eat their meal with all your attention on them? If they want to eat together then you have to combine serving them, keeping track of their ongoing needs, and enjoying your own meal. Otherwise you may end up timing a meal in advance of your guests arrival.
Attention to Detail
It is mostly implied, but one must be aware of the details around everything. From the presentation on the plate, to what you wear to suit the occasion, the devil is in the details. I cant get too specific here, because this is up to you. I have some food and beverage service training in my background, so I can serve wine somewhat more in a restaurant style. I can also plate a dish to look a bit more appealing. Google is your best friend here if you are looking to impress. Wine service and food service tips are plenty on the internet. Here are a few that work for me; serve the entree side of the plate facing, learn how to present and serve wine from bottle to glass, know the difference between salad and dinner forks as well as the other basic cutlery, and different glasses for wine or water just to name a few. Appearances are important too in this category. If your guest wants low key, then dont wear a tuxedo or maids uniform. If your guest wants to be romantically wined and dined, then wear the works, just make sure you use an apron when cooking. And of course if your guest wants sultry, well, you get the idea. The final detail to note is entertainment value. If they are chatty and need a visit while you work and serve, by all means converse. But if they would rather sit on the couch and read their book while you are on duty, well then just make sure their pillows are fluffed and the lighting is good.
Attitude & Body Language
This is all about them. The customer is always right. You are here to serve. That sort of thing is something to think about when serving f&b submissively. What you are doing for them is a submissive act, that concentrates on giving and pleasing them. This isnt necessarily the attitude one should put into their entire relationship with said guest, but its something great for concentration in the dining experience. Think of yourself as their own personal chef/server (or just server if they've requested a bucket of fried chicken, because trust me take out can still be served submissively). When going about your duties, different “guests” will have different preferences, but generally if you are going to this trouble they are going to appreciate feeling like the centre of the attention. Above all else BE POLITE. Say please, say thank you, address them with respect in the manner they like best. All those great subby/bottomy mannerisms from role-play or kinky scenes, can often be great when turned into dinnertime body language. The degree varies based entirely on the guest and the server, but there are many things you can do to give this outlook. These are some of the things I do that tend to work well, whether they are consciously noticed or not; I keep my eyes low when addressing or serving the guest, I bow or kneel where possible, such as to present the food to them, (this one can vary based on the tastes of the guest), and I smile a lot. Those few simple things seem to greatly change the nature of how dinner is received and make the guest feel like king or queen of the meal.
Following these guidelines and keeping in mind what type of service you are going for can hopefully change a served meal from people having dinner, to an empowering d/s experience. It takes a bit of practice, and it might not work quite as you plan, but you will likely find yourself with a vast skillset that might just be currently overlooked or underdeveloped. Bon appetite.
