I'm just about to go to bed, and I got thinking. I had talked to the Dragoness a little earlyer tonight. It was nice, via text only. Hadnt heard from her yesterday so I was starting to wonder how she was doing. But good news for me was shes fine, just had been busy busy and slept in. So no need to worry.
Just tried to call her but shes busy yet again. I at first feel a little ignored when this happens, but then I stop myself. My subconscious impulse doesnt look at logic. Logically shes busy, and she even told me what shed be up to tonight in terms of doing some interior painting. After a few miliseconds (between ring number 3 and the voicemail pickup), all that logic kicked in and I felt good just to hear the voicemail message and leave a nice goodnight.
Ive reminded myself a lot the last month or so that I try a bit too hard. I'm very eager to please her, as she inspires me, and I go to great lengths to show her things, share with her, and be a genuine submissive source of love care and respect. But its a distance relationship, and we both have very busy lives. And the relationship, though full of d/s feelings and bits of play, is primarily vanilla thus far. I'm her first sub, and its a steep learning curve. So i try to be extra informative and helpful about that sort of stuff. And this is her first distance relationship, so working out our communication boundries had been tough. But my emotional brain seems to often forget this and try too hard, in turn expecting too much from her. I realize it quickly most of the time, especially upon hearing her voice or getting a message from her. I'm going to work on these things. Trying not to try quite so hard and expect so much, and reacting less emotionally negative to bad timing.
On the up side of things I was able to do some searching around for information for Mistress earlyer tonight when we did text. She said I did good, and will be providing me with all the petting and headscratching I can take. I'd say I deserve to feel a bit cheered at this prospect.
I wont be able to update for a little while, though this is only update 2. I'm going on a trip for the weekend to see some family and not taking my laptop. So i'll try again next week.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
First Post
This is going to be a very brief post. This is a brand new blog, my first blogger blog. I'm quite jazzed about it. When I was a teen I had a live journal (it was so lame).
And a few years back, I had to journal in a hardbound journal. My ex made me do it as a way to express my innermost thoughts. Being in a D/s dynamic I found myself developing a lot mental steam to be vented. Vulnerability or need for vulnerability does that. And with my dear Mistress stuck at the coast, semi-distant on a regular basis I find myself needing a channel of expression. Perhaps it will be a good way to analyze my thoughts and experiences to better communicate with her, or even understand myself.
It seems like a good day to make my first entry. First of all, i'm clingy. I used to be clingy as fuck, but i've been working on it for a few years. Dragoness (thats my special name for her and no I wont use her first name on here) and I already exprienced a bit of tension because my clingy overcommunication got to us a month ago and were making sure we dont overwhelm each other, or underwhelm each other with communication as happened after and affected me. My Lady hasnt texted me or called me today, so it makes me a little edgy. I was in a bit of a bad mood and hoped i could speak with her. But I got through it, through positive thinking and perseverance, and not passing out from my tiredness. Its been quiet interesting. It also reminded me that I am strong, and can solve my own problems and use my own positivity to persevere. And im aware I said persevere twice. I'm redundant, but i'm pretty enough for it to get through it.
So i think i'm going to start making a habit to blog on days like today, where I havent adequately expressed my thoughts to anyone or my Lady is distant and I need to vent. This has actually really helped. Also I'll tell stories and stuff. And i'll make a lot of puns. In fact theres a hidden pun in the name of this blog.
Goodnight everybody, and stay classy.
And a few years back, I had to journal in a hardbound journal. My ex made me do it as a way to express my innermost thoughts. Being in a D/s dynamic I found myself developing a lot mental steam to be vented. Vulnerability or need for vulnerability does that. And with my dear Mistress stuck at the coast, semi-distant on a regular basis I find myself needing a channel of expression. Perhaps it will be a good way to analyze my thoughts and experiences to better communicate with her, or even understand myself.
It seems like a good day to make my first entry. First of all, i'm clingy. I used to be clingy as fuck, but i've been working on it for a few years. Dragoness (thats my special name for her and no I wont use her first name on here) and I already exprienced a bit of tension because my clingy overcommunication got to us a month ago and were making sure we dont overwhelm each other, or underwhelm each other with communication as happened after and affected me. My Lady hasnt texted me or called me today, so it makes me a little edgy. I was in a bit of a bad mood and hoped i could speak with her. But I got through it, through positive thinking and perseverance, and not passing out from my tiredness. Its been quiet interesting. It also reminded me that I am strong, and can solve my own problems and use my own positivity to persevere. And im aware I said persevere twice. I'm redundant, but i'm pretty enough for it to get through it.
So i think i'm going to start making a habit to blog on days like today, where I havent adequately expressed my thoughts to anyone or my Lady is distant and I need to vent. This has actually really helped. Also I'll tell stories and stuff. And i'll make a lot of puns. In fact theres a hidden pun in the name of this blog.
Goodnight everybody, and stay classy.
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